The Art Of Parenting Non-Conforming Kids: Six Ways To Teach Your Kids To Live Fearless, Authentic, And Wildly Successful Lives
December 18, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
C. Hand asked:
Parents take note: We’re living in a time when being “different” actually pays off.
How to nurture individuality in the formative years.
By Robin Fisher Roffer
Few jobs are more daunting than raising well-rounded, happy, confident kids. On one hand, you adore what makes your child unique: your daughter’s all-consuming love of science (she’s bordering on nerdy!) or your son’s quiet disposition and curious spirit. On the other, you worry that being too “different”-too shy, too short, too tomboyish (or, in the case of boys, too sensitive), too anything-is a sure path to unpopularity and isolation. What’s a conflicted parent to do? Urge your child to succeed within socially prescribed boundaries? Or let him or her break the (unspoken) rules and risk being labeled “weird”?
First, stop fretting. Your hand-wringing desire for your child to “fit in” is surely borne of love, but it’s also misguided for an age in which diversity is celebrated. Even if your child does face a few bumps in the road, learning to be herself (or himself) will pay off in the long run.
Kids who are confident in themselves, their background, and their unique way of thinking, looking, or acting are more likely to succeed, not in spite of their differences, but because of them. The benefits of being a bold individual just keep on unfolding as your kids reach adulthood-especially these days.
We are living in an era that celebrates uniqueness-not for its own sake but for the tangible benefits it yields throughout life. There has never been a better time to be yourself. Embracing and nurturing your inner “fearless fish” brings far richer rewards than conformity ever could.
Your unusual personality, outlook, appearance, or background-really, any attribute that sets you apart-is not a liability but an asset. Being different gets you noticed, whether it’s in the office, at school, or at home with your own family, and that is the first step to gaining influence with those around you.
When you refuse to hide or downplay your uniqueness, it makes you more authentic-and people gravitate toward those they like, trust, and believe in. Take Barack Obama, for example. His entire campaign celebrated his differences and used change as a cornerstone for his message. Today, he’s the President of the United States because voters saw that he was authentic and true to himself, and they were drawn to him.
Today’s kids are growing up in a time of exhilarating change, an era in which they face more opportunities (and yes, more challenges) than any group before them. Read on to learn how to help them navigate the road before them by being a fearless fish out of water (just like you!):
Be a truly fearless leader. One of the most effective ways of teaching our kids is to lead by example. Our children look up to us and mimic the behaviors they see in their parents each day. If they see a person who is comfortable in her own skin, who dares to go against the flow, and most importantly, who is happy, they will learn to do the same for themselves. If this doesn’t describe you, well, it’s time to take a look in the mirror.
Your children are watching you, and usually when you least expect it. If you are an authentic person and you live your own life as a fearless fish, your kids will see that and it will serve as a powerful lesson for the people they will become. Make sure to be who you are wherever you go-at work, at home, at your children’s school-and when they see the confidence you exhume and the respect you command, they will follow your lead.
Help your kids to fit in the right way. It’s only natural for kids (of any age) to want to be like their peers-and that’s okay. The compromise to this scenario is to encourage your kids to associate with kids who are more like them. That way, they can feel accepted and part of a group while being themselves. Encourage your kids to join clubs or local groups that cater to their personalities and interests.
If your son is a music whiz, sign him up for a local music class so he can make friends with other kids who share his talent and passion. Or encourage your daughter to join the science club or debate team at school, depending on her interests. Find a place where your kids can still fit in and feel like part of the group, while at the same time fostering their individuality and unique talents.
Foster and encourage your child’s unique gifts. Nobody knows your child as well as you do, which puts you in the perfect position to identify those qualities that will make him stand out from the crowd and pave the way to a successful future. Take a cue from Tiger Woods’ father. When he noticed that his child was a budding golf prodigy, he saw the opportunity and ignored the odds stacked against a young, bi-racial golfer in a sport dominated by older white men. We all know how his story ended.
Every parent has a child who is an individual, who is unlike anybody else on this planet. You have known this person from his first minute in the world, and you know what makes him special. At a young age, children aren’t in a position to leverage themselves in the real world like adults can-and this is where you are their biggest asset. If you know why your kid is unique, don’t just gush about it around the water cooler-get your child involved in ways that will benefit him now and well into the future.
Teach him to use his differences to make a difference. Kids who learn to give back at an early age are that much more likely to do so well into their adult lives. Getting involved is a great life lesson, and a great way for you to spend time together as a family. Let your child pick a cause that he cares about, and then help him to use his differences to make a difference in the lives of others.
If your child is a star athlete, teach him to use his sports star status to raise money for a charity. You can ask the team’s sponsor to help, or have fans donate $1 per goal to be donated to a good cause. Or does your daughter have a way with animals that reminds you of the dog whisperer? Sign up to be volunteers at the local animal shelter. Working together on a common cause can have only positive results. You get to spend time as a family and you get to help out the community-all while teaching your future fearless fish an important life skill!
Let her change her mind. Nobody wants to raise a quitter, and sometimes that can mean we force our kids to stick with activities and hobbies that may not be right for who they are growing up to be. If Sally LOVED horseback riding last month, but this week she will absolutely die if she doesn’t get to join the local 4-H, it can be enough to make your head spin, and your wallet shrink. While it’s not okay to let kids have free reign over your schedule (or your budget!), it’s important to pay attention to their changing interests and to encourage them to pursue different things until they find what suits them.
While the outlet for your child’s passion may change, the root of who she is stays the same. Clearly, Sally has a passion for nature, and through different experiences she will learn to use that passion to stay relevant and current. As a fearless fish, you have to keep reinventing yourself, changing with the times and with the places you work and live, while holding on to the essential you. If your kids want to pursue something, let them try for a year. Once the season is over, if they want to move on, it’s okay to let them. Forcing kids to stay involved in something they don’t care about will only smother the fire in them that you’re trying to stoke.
Know when to let go. It’s inevitable: You can’t protect your kids from everything, and sooner or later (and it’s probably sooner!) they are going to be faced with a challenge that will rock their world. Maybe a bully at school has made Susie her new target, or Timmy didn’t make the basketball team and all his friends did. For kids, upsets like these are devastating. But they are also perfect opportunities for them to learn how to overcome obstacles by practicing the ABCs for fish out of water-action, belief, and courage.
Don’t try to swoop in and make it all better. That may be the worst thing you can do. Instead, help your child equip himself with the means to solve his own problems. If Timmy didn’t make the team, but you know he’s a talented artist, encourage him to get more involved in the school’s art program or sign him up for advanced art classes at the local community college. Or help Susie boost her self-esteem and confidence by enrolling her in a karate class or debate team; her bully will move on when she learns that her victim can stand up for herself.
There’s a great bonus that comes with striving to raise fearless kids: In the process, you perfect and refine your own journey toward fearlessness.
Parenting is as much about your growth and evolution as it is your child’s. As we teach, we learn. And there’s no richer or more rewarding path than learning how to cast aside our fear and be true to ourselves. Living an authentic life successfully is fulfilling beyond words-and an opportunity that no child should go without.
# # #
About the Author:
Robin Fisher Roffer (Los Angeles and New York) is CEO of Big Fish Marketing, one of the entertainment industry’s preeminent brand marketing and digital advertising agencies. She has provided the rocket fuel that has ignited the launch pad of dozens of brands all over the world, developing brand-building marketing plans and promotional campaigns for top media companies like Sony, Time-Warner, and Twentieth Century Fox.
Roffer has written strategic plans and executed marketing tactics for a prestigious client list that includes ABC, A&E, AMC, Bloomberg, Bravo, CNN, Comedy Central, Discovery Channel, Disney Channel, History, Lifetime, MTV, Oxygen, and Turner Networks. Today, her client roster includes over 25 television networks, a global cosmetics company, and several insurance and investment firms.
A dynamic and engaging speaker, Roffer has given keynote presentations to some of the nation’s biggest companies and organizations, including AOL, Mattel, Verizon, Wharton School of Business, and many more. In addition to her work with Big Fish Marketing, she serves as a strategic branding consultant for a variety of corporations.
Drawing on her experience in creating some of the world’s leading entertainment
brands, Roffer penned her first book, MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF: Eight
Steps Every Woman Needs to Create a Personal Brand Strategy for Success.
Her latest book, THE FEARLESS FISH OUT OF WATER: How to Succeed
When You’re the Only One Like You, hit stores in February 2009. It shows professionals how to stay connected and relevant at work while maintaining a unique identity, how to fit in without blending in, and how to transform exclusion into high impact.
Roffer’s core belief is that entertainment should be leveraged for a greater good. She has received accolades for developing community outreach programs like Lifetime’s “Women Rock,” a concert event designed to raise awareness for ****** cancer issues; CNN’s “Your Choice Your Voice” high school-based election promotion; FSN’s “Reading All-Stars” literacy campaign; The History Channel’s “Save Our History” initiative, which raised money and awareness for the World War II Memorial; and Comedy Central’s “Comedy RX,” a hospital-based program promoting the healing powers of laughter.
About the Book:
The Fearless Fish Out of Water: How to Succeed When You’re the Only One Like You (Wiley, 2009, ISBN: 978-0-4703166-8-9, $24.95) is available at bookstores nationwide, major online booksellers, or direct from the publisher by calling 800-225-5945. In Canada, call 800-567-4797.
For more information, please visit www.robinfisherroffer.com and www.fearlessfishoutofwater.com.
Parents take note: We’re living in a time when being “different” actually pays off.
How to nurture individuality in the formative years.
By Robin Fisher Roffer
Few jobs are more daunting than raising well-rounded, happy, confident kids. On one hand, you adore what makes your child unique: your daughter’s all-consuming love of science (she’s bordering on nerdy!) or your son’s quiet disposition and curious spirit. On the other, you worry that being too “different”-too shy, too short, too tomboyish (or, in the case of boys, too sensitive), too anything-is a sure path to unpopularity and isolation. What’s a conflicted parent to do? Urge your child to succeed within socially prescribed boundaries? Or let him or her break the (unspoken) rules and risk being labeled “weird”?
First, stop fretting. Your hand-wringing desire for your child to “fit in” is surely borne of love, but it’s also misguided for an age in which diversity is celebrated. Even if your child does face a few bumps in the road, learning to be herself (or himself) will pay off in the long run.
Kids who are confident in themselves, their background, and their unique way of thinking, looking, or acting are more likely to succeed, not in spite of their differences, but because of them. The benefits of being a bold individual just keep on unfolding as your kids reach adulthood-especially these days.
We are living in an era that celebrates uniqueness-not for its own sake but for the tangible benefits it yields throughout life. There has never been a better time to be yourself. Embracing and nurturing your inner “fearless fish” brings far richer rewards than conformity ever could.
Your unusual personality, outlook, appearance, or background-really, any attribute that sets you apart-is not a liability but an asset. Being different gets you noticed, whether it’s in the office, at school, or at home with your own family, and that is the first step to gaining influence with those around you.
When you refuse to hide or downplay your uniqueness, it makes you more authentic-and people gravitate toward those they like, trust, and believe in. Take Barack Obama, for example. His entire campaign celebrated his differences and used change as a cornerstone for his message. Today, he’s the President of the United States because voters saw that he was authentic and true to himself, and they were drawn to him.
Today’s kids are growing up in a time of exhilarating change, an era in which they face more opportunities (and yes, more challenges) than any group before them. Read on to learn how to help them navigate the road before them by being a fearless fish out of water (just like you!):
Be a truly fearless leader. One of the most effective ways of teaching our kids is to lead by example. Our children look up to us and mimic the behaviors they see in their parents each day. If they see a person who is comfortable in her own skin, who dares to go against the flow, and most importantly, who is happy, they will learn to do the same for themselves. If this doesn’t describe you, well, it’s time to take a look in the mirror.
Your children are watching you, and usually when you least expect it. If you are an authentic person and you live your own life as a fearless fish, your kids will see that and it will serve as a powerful lesson for the people they will become. Make sure to be who you are wherever you go-at work, at home, at your children’s school-and when they see the confidence you exhume and the respect you command, they will follow your lead.
Help your kids to fit in the right way. It’s only natural for kids (of any age) to want to be like their peers-and that’s okay. The compromise to this scenario is to encourage your kids to associate with kids who are more like them. That way, they can feel accepted and part of a group while being themselves. Encourage your kids to join clubs or local groups that cater to their personalities and interests.
If your son is a music whiz, sign him up for a local music class so he can make friends with other kids who share his talent and passion. Or encourage your daughter to join the science club or debate team at school, depending on her interests. Find a place where your kids can still fit in and feel like part of the group, while at the same time fostering their individuality and unique talents.
Foster and encourage your child’s unique gifts. Nobody knows your child as well as you do, which puts you in the perfect position to identify those qualities that will make him stand out from the crowd and pave the way to a successful future. Take a cue from Tiger Woods’ father. When he noticed that his child was a budding golf prodigy, he saw the opportunity and ignored the odds stacked against a young, bi-racial golfer in a sport dominated by older white men. We all know how his story ended.
Every parent has a child who is an individual, who is unlike anybody else on this planet. You have known this person from his first minute in the world, and you know what makes him special. At a young age, children aren’t in a position to leverage themselves in the real world like adults can-and this is where you are their biggest asset. If you know why your kid is unique, don’t just gush about it around the water cooler-get your child involved in ways that will benefit him now and well into the future.
Teach him to use his differences to make a difference. Kids who learn to give back at an early age are that much more likely to do so well into their adult lives. Getting involved is a great life lesson, and a great way for you to spend time together as a family. Let your child pick a cause that he cares about, and then help him to use his differences to make a difference in the lives of others.
If your child is a star athlete, teach him to use his sports star status to raise money for a charity. You can ask the team’s sponsor to help, or have fans donate $1 per goal to be donated to a good cause. Or does your daughter have a way with animals that reminds you of the dog whisperer? Sign up to be volunteers at the local animal shelter. Working together on a common cause can have only positive results. You get to spend time as a family and you get to help out the community-all while teaching your future fearless fish an important life skill!
Let her change her mind. Nobody wants to raise a quitter, and sometimes that can mean we force our kids to stick with activities and hobbies that may not be right for who they are growing up to be. If Sally LOVED horseback riding last month, but this week she will absolutely die if she doesn’t get to join the local 4-H, it can be enough to make your head spin, and your wallet shrink. While it’s not okay to let kids have free reign over your schedule (or your budget!), it’s important to pay attention to their changing interests and to encourage them to pursue different things until they find what suits them.
While the outlet for your child’s passion may change, the root of who she is stays the same. Clearly, Sally has a passion for nature, and through different experiences she will learn to use that passion to stay relevant and current. As a fearless fish, you have to keep reinventing yourself, changing with the times and with the places you work and live, while holding on to the essential you. If your kids want to pursue something, let them try for a year. Once the season is over, if they want to move on, it’s okay to let them. Forcing kids to stay involved in something they don’t care about will only smother the fire in them that you’re trying to stoke.
Know when to let go. It’s inevitable: You can’t protect your kids from everything, and sooner or later (and it’s probably sooner!) they are going to be faced with a challenge that will rock their world. Maybe a bully at school has made Susie her new target, or Timmy didn’t make the basketball team and all his friends did. For kids, upsets like these are devastating. But they are also perfect opportunities for them to learn how to overcome obstacles by practicing the ABCs for fish out of water-action, belief, and courage.
Don’t try to swoop in and make it all better. That may be the worst thing you can do. Instead, help your child equip himself with the means to solve his own problems. If Timmy didn’t make the team, but you know he’s a talented artist, encourage him to get more involved in the school’s art program or sign him up for advanced art classes at the local community college. Or help Susie boost her self-esteem and confidence by enrolling her in a karate class or debate team; her bully will move on when she learns that her victim can stand up for herself.
There’s a great bonus that comes with striving to raise fearless kids: In the process, you perfect and refine your own journey toward fearlessness.
Parenting is as much about your growth and evolution as it is your child’s. As we teach, we learn. And there’s no richer or more rewarding path than learning how to cast aside our fear and be true to ourselves. Living an authentic life successfully is fulfilling beyond words-and an opportunity that no child should go without.
# # #
About the Author:
Robin Fisher Roffer (Los Angeles and New York) is CEO of Big Fish Marketing, one of the entertainment industry’s preeminent brand marketing and digital advertising agencies. She has provided the rocket fuel that has ignited the launch pad of dozens of brands all over the world, developing brand-building marketing plans and promotional campaigns for top media companies like Sony, Time-Warner, and Twentieth Century Fox.
Roffer has written strategic plans and executed marketing tactics for a prestigious client list that includes ABC, A&E, AMC, Bloomberg, Bravo, CNN, Comedy Central, Discovery Channel, Disney Channel, History, Lifetime, MTV, Oxygen, and Turner Networks. Today, her client roster includes over 25 television networks, a global cosmetics company, and several insurance and investment firms.
A dynamic and engaging speaker, Roffer has given keynote presentations to some of the nation’s biggest companies and organizations, including AOL, Mattel, Verizon, Wharton School of Business, and many more. In addition to her work with Big Fish Marketing, she serves as a strategic branding consultant for a variety of corporations.
Drawing on her experience in creating some of the world’s leading entertainment
brands, Roffer penned her first book, MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF: Eight
Steps Every Woman Needs to Create a Personal Brand Strategy for Success.
Her latest book, THE FEARLESS FISH OUT OF WATER: How to Succeed
When You’re the Only One Like You, hit stores in February 2009. It shows professionals how to stay connected and relevant at work while maintaining a unique identity, how to fit in without blending in, and how to transform exclusion into high impact.
Roffer’s core belief is that entertainment should be leveraged for a greater good. She has received accolades for developing community outreach programs like Lifetime’s “Women Rock,” a concert event designed to raise awareness for ****** cancer issues; CNN’s “Your Choice Your Voice” high school-based election promotion; FSN’s “Reading All-Stars” literacy campaign; The History Channel’s “Save Our History” initiative, which raised money and awareness for the World War II Memorial; and Comedy Central’s “Comedy RX,” a hospital-based program promoting the healing powers of laughter.
About the Book:
The Fearless Fish Out of Water: How to Succeed When You’re the Only One Like You (Wiley, 2009, ISBN: 978-0-4703166-8-9, $24.95) is available at bookstores nationwide, major online booksellers, or direct from the publisher by calling 800-225-5945. In Canada, call 800-567-4797.
For more information, please visit www.robinfisherroffer.com and www.fearlessfishoutofwater.com.
Parenting Secrets For Keeping Your Kids Safety
May 3, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Joyce Jackson asked:
There are Five Safety Secrets that truly make kids safe. These Secrets set the foundation of true safety for a lifetime in children, and can do the same for your child.
These Secrets will also surprise you. They work quietly and effectively beneath the surface of your child’s brain. If you use these Five Secrets, they will make any safety technique that much more effective. Without these Five Safety Secrets, your child will never be able to keep themselves safe. Ever.
Secret #1: Confidence.
Confidence and a positive self image are crucial in good child safety. Confident kids are less of a target for sexual predators. Not only do they stand taller and keep their heads up higher, they represent a problem, a less than easy victim for sexual predators.
Confident kids project “struggle” for any predator trolling for kids and more often than not, predators will pass them by. More often, predators will choose kids that appear weak and sad, a child in need of a friend. These are the kids that hang their heads, shuffle down the street and have a hard time looking anyone in the eye when they talk to them.
Confidence is a powerful deterrent.
And yet, there is something more, something deeper when your child is confident. Confident kids display certain structural changes, physical changes in their bodies that serve them better than kids that have poor self-images. Confident kids can control their physical movements a little bit better. At the same time, they can move more quickly and with finer control of those movements. We find confident kids can actually focus better mentally and for longer periods of time.
In other words, these kids are better equipped physically, mentally and emotionally to learn the actual safety techniques that could save them from sexual predators than kids that feel bad about themselves. Kids that hang their head, shuffle around, are tired or ill, cannot move with as much control or quickness or think as clearly as kids that are healthy and confident. A high degree of self confidence and a positive self image matter in good child safety.
Secret #2: Empowerment.
Empowering your child to take care of themselves is one of the most powerful Safety Secret you can learn.
When you empower your child, you truly teach them to make choices for themselves. When you mentor them as a parent you actually guide them into learning to make good, positive choices for themselves on their own. When they can do this, they will truly be safe for a lifetime.
In its simplest form, empowerment means your child feels like they have a measure of control over their life. They feel they can make their own decisions. Most kids don’t feel this ability. Most kids do not have it, either. Parents and adults are constantly making decisions for children:
-When to eat
-What to eat
-When to get up
-When to go to sleep
-Where to go
-Who to go with
-What to do
The list can go on endlessly. Life for a child can feel completely out of their control. Kids will engage in a struggle with their parents to get some control of their lives. In doing so it usually comes across as conflict.
-No! I don’t want to go!
-I don’t like that!
-I’m not eating that!
-Stop it!
-I don’t want to!
-Leave me alone!
The Secret to empowering your child, even at the youngest of ages, is in giving them their own choices to make. Give them alternatives to situations in their lives, let them make some of their own choices.
This too, can be pretty simple. For example, instead of serving them broccoli, ask them to choose between carrots, peas or broccoli or another vegetable. Give them a choice to make instead of just putting one on their plate. Instead of the green dress, ask your daughter which one she would like to wear. Instead of forcing your child into the brown shoes, ask them which ones they would like to put on today.
These are pretty simple examples, but this about as easy as it gets in empowering your child. Giving your child choices is crucial in their development. It is crucial in their ability to keep themselves safe, too.
Making choices matters to kids. When you do this simple, easy thing, miracles will happen within them. An empowered child starts to feel good about themselves. And what would consistent, good feelings about themselves lead to? Confidence!
Will your child always make good choices for themselves? No. That is where you, Mom and Dad, come into the picture. You, as a mentor to your child, can guide them through the array of choices they will face. You can guide them and teach them about good choices and the benefits of making good choices for themselves. It is what safe kids are all about.
Secret #3: Catch Them Being Good.
When your child makes a bad choice, it’s important for you to stay calm about it. Yes, this is easier said then done. However, it is critical in your child’s ability to keep themselves safe, that you learn to take their mistakes in stride.
You have to spend more time and energy catching your child being good.
A subtle prodding towards better choices is more effective than highlighting, in a big emotional way, any bad choice they make for themselves. If you have to highlight negative behavior, be very careful in saying, “That was a bad choice,” rather than “You are bad.” Take care to say, “You can make better choices,” instead of saying, “How stupid!” Things like, “You’re a great kid but that choice could have been better,” keeps your child’s image of themselves solid and highlights the choice only, not them, as being bad. Your child is good, the choice is bad.
Building confidence, building a solid self image in your child, builds safety. Capitalize on this and highlight the good things they do more often than the bad things. As a matter of fact, focus on highlighting as many good things as you can rather than making a big deal about the bad things they may do.
Catch Them Being Good.
Positive reinforcement is a much stronger teaching tool and technique for child safety than negative reinforcement. Praise your child when you see them doing good behaviors. Lavish the praise and adulation onto them when they do really great things. This is also positive mentoring. This is channeling your child into learning how to make good, solid and positive choices for themselves. It builds and fosters that ever-so-critical confidence in themselves.
It is easier to notice the bad behavior. We are tuned by society to notice the negative and bad things people do. It is very easy to notice the bad things your child does. It is a focus of many parents, naturally. Reverse the trend and make your focal point the things your child does well. Positive reinforcement will teach your child to repeat those behaviors you want and make it easier for you to guide them into those good choices.
Secret #4: Listening.
Another crucial Secret in teaching kids to be safe is to let them know you are listening to them.
Listening to your child goes beyond the standard, “Yep. Un huh. Sure.” These kinds of responses they get daily. True listening, the kind that allows your child to feel like they are really being heard and understood, is a special parenting skill.
Listening to your child happens in two ways: one, you allow them to say what they need to say, in their words, in their way, however they want to say it. It may be challenging to follow this advice, especially when your child speaks in disjointed sentences or jumbled words. They may take 5 or 10 minutes out of your busy day, but just let them talk without interrupting them. You can tell when it is important versus when they are just mumbling or making noise. Sit and listen to them. Take the time, make the time.
Two, listen to what they say without judgment. Even if you do not like what you hear, even if you feel upset by what you hear, listen to it. Be quiet, look them in the eyes with your full attention and simply listen to them.
Your child is coming to you. They need your attention. They believe at that moment you will listen to them. Do it. Reserve judgment and negative feelings about what they are saying for another time.
When you do this you are building on the future, on your child’s safety. They need to feel, deep inside, they can tell you about anything. They need the security of knowing you will listen to them and what they have to say. If your child is threatened in any way, they will need to come to you, Mom or Dad, and tell you. That rapport and comfort for them needs to be established at a young age. You start by simply listening to them.
Secret #5: Repetition.
This last Secret is probably the most important of all. You must use it and apply it, day in and day out at home.
True learning for your child comes with repetition. That is your job. You need to do it at home.
Repetition does not need to be boring, either. Make games out of things you want to teach. Use fun words and phrases your child uses when talking about safety. Fold in your child’s favorite toys, cartoon characters or things they like into activities you do several times a week. These are simple yet exciting skills for reinforcement activities. It’s repetition with excitement. What a great way to learn for any child!
Working with our techniques is also something to do a few times a week. Stay away from daily practice routines as if this was a sport as this is the surest way to bore your child and lose their attention.
Make learning safety fun. Make it exciting. Fold in the whole family and enjoy learning about true safety for a lifetime together.
There are Five Safety Secrets that truly make kids safe. These Secrets set the foundation of true safety for a lifetime in children, and can do the same for your child.
These Secrets will also surprise you. They work quietly and effectively beneath the surface of your child’s brain. If you use these Five Secrets, they will make any safety technique that much more effective. Without these Five Safety Secrets, your child will never be able to keep themselves safe. Ever.
Secret #1: Confidence.
Confidence and a positive self image are crucial in good child safety. Confident kids are less of a target for sexual predators. Not only do they stand taller and keep their heads up higher, they represent a problem, a less than easy victim for sexual predators.
Confident kids project “struggle” for any predator trolling for kids and more often than not, predators will pass them by. More often, predators will choose kids that appear weak and sad, a child in need of a friend. These are the kids that hang their heads, shuffle down the street and have a hard time looking anyone in the eye when they talk to them.
Confidence is a powerful deterrent.
And yet, there is something more, something deeper when your child is confident. Confident kids display certain structural changes, physical changes in their bodies that serve them better than kids that have poor self-images. Confident kids can control their physical movements a little bit better. At the same time, they can move more quickly and with finer control of those movements. We find confident kids can actually focus better mentally and for longer periods of time.
In other words, these kids are better equipped physically, mentally and emotionally to learn the actual safety techniques that could save them from sexual predators than kids that feel bad about themselves. Kids that hang their head, shuffle around, are tired or ill, cannot move with as much control or quickness or think as clearly as kids that are healthy and confident. A high degree of self confidence and a positive self image matter in good child safety.
Secret #2: Empowerment.
Empowering your child to take care of themselves is one of the most powerful Safety Secret you can learn.
When you empower your child, you truly teach them to make choices for themselves. When you mentor them as a parent you actually guide them into learning to make good, positive choices for themselves on their own. When they can do this, they will truly be safe for a lifetime.
In its simplest form, empowerment means your child feels like they have a measure of control over their life. They feel they can make their own decisions. Most kids don’t feel this ability. Most kids do not have it, either. Parents and adults are constantly making decisions for children:
-When to eat
-What to eat
-When to get up
-When to go to sleep
-Where to go
-Who to go with
-What to do
The list can go on endlessly. Life for a child can feel completely out of their control. Kids will engage in a struggle with their parents to get some control of their lives. In doing so it usually comes across as conflict.
-No! I don’t want to go!
-I don’t like that!
-I’m not eating that!
-Stop it!
-I don’t want to!
-Leave me alone!
The Secret to empowering your child, even at the youngest of ages, is in giving them their own choices to make. Give them alternatives to situations in their lives, let them make some of their own choices.
This too, can be pretty simple. For example, instead of serving them broccoli, ask them to choose between carrots, peas or broccoli or another vegetable. Give them a choice to make instead of just putting one on their plate. Instead of the green dress, ask your daughter which one she would like to wear. Instead of forcing your child into the brown shoes, ask them which ones they would like to put on today.
These are pretty simple examples, but this about as easy as it gets in empowering your child. Giving your child choices is crucial in their development. It is crucial in their ability to keep themselves safe, too.
Making choices matters to kids. When you do this simple, easy thing, miracles will happen within them. An empowered child starts to feel good about themselves. And what would consistent, good feelings about themselves lead to? Confidence!
Will your child always make good choices for themselves? No. That is where you, Mom and Dad, come into the picture. You, as a mentor to your child, can guide them through the array of choices they will face. You can guide them and teach them about good choices and the benefits of making good choices for themselves. It is what safe kids are all about.
Secret #3: Catch Them Being Good.
When your child makes a bad choice, it’s important for you to stay calm about it. Yes, this is easier said then done. However, it is critical in your child’s ability to keep themselves safe, that you learn to take their mistakes in stride.
You have to spend more time and energy catching your child being good.
A subtle prodding towards better choices is more effective than highlighting, in a big emotional way, any bad choice they make for themselves. If you have to highlight negative behavior, be very careful in saying, “That was a bad choice,” rather than “You are bad.” Take care to say, “You can make better choices,” instead of saying, “How stupid!” Things like, “You’re a great kid but that choice could have been better,” keeps your child’s image of themselves solid and highlights the choice only, not them, as being bad. Your child is good, the choice is bad.
Building confidence, building a solid self image in your child, builds safety. Capitalize on this and highlight the good things they do more often than the bad things. As a matter of fact, focus on highlighting as many good things as you can rather than making a big deal about the bad things they may do.
Catch Them Being Good.
Positive reinforcement is a much stronger teaching tool and technique for child safety than negative reinforcement. Praise your child when you see them doing good behaviors. Lavish the praise and adulation onto them when they do really great things. This is also positive mentoring. This is channeling your child into learning how to make good, solid and positive choices for themselves. It builds and fosters that ever-so-critical confidence in themselves.
It is easier to notice the bad behavior. We are tuned by society to notice the negative and bad things people do. It is very easy to notice the bad things your child does. It is a focus of many parents, naturally. Reverse the trend and make your focal point the things your child does well. Positive reinforcement will teach your child to repeat those behaviors you want and make it easier for you to guide them into those good choices.
Secret #4: Listening.
Another crucial Secret in teaching kids to be safe is to let them know you are listening to them.
Listening to your child goes beyond the standard, “Yep. Un huh. Sure.” These kinds of responses they get daily. True listening, the kind that allows your child to feel like they are really being heard and understood, is a special parenting skill.
Listening to your child happens in two ways: one, you allow them to say what they need to say, in their words, in their way, however they want to say it. It may be challenging to follow this advice, especially when your child speaks in disjointed sentences or jumbled words. They may take 5 or 10 minutes out of your busy day, but just let them talk without interrupting them. You can tell when it is important versus when they are just mumbling or making noise. Sit and listen to them. Take the time, make the time.
Two, listen to what they say without judgment. Even if you do not like what you hear, even if you feel upset by what you hear, listen to it. Be quiet, look them in the eyes with your full attention and simply listen to them.
Your child is coming to you. They need your attention. They believe at that moment you will listen to them. Do it. Reserve judgment and negative feelings about what they are saying for another time.
When you do this you are building on the future, on your child’s safety. They need to feel, deep inside, they can tell you about anything. They need the security of knowing you will listen to them and what they have to say. If your child is threatened in any way, they will need to come to you, Mom or Dad, and tell you. That rapport and comfort for them needs to be established at a young age. You start by simply listening to them.
Secret #5: Repetition.
This last Secret is probably the most important of all. You must use it and apply it, day in and day out at home.
True learning for your child comes with repetition. That is your job. You need to do it at home.
Repetition does not need to be boring, either. Make games out of things you want to teach. Use fun words and phrases your child uses when talking about safety. Fold in your child’s favorite toys, cartoon characters or things they like into activities you do several times a week. These are simple yet exciting skills for reinforcement activities. It’s repetition with excitement. What a great way to learn for any child!
Working with our techniques is also something to do a few times a week. Stay away from daily practice routines as if this was a sport as this is the surest way to bore your child and lose their attention.
Make learning safety fun. Make it exciting. Fold in the whole family and enjoy learning about true safety for a lifetime together.
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