How to choose a good Child Day Care Center?
December 26, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Ron Michael Knight asked:
In finding the right day care center, consider your child’s safety, how much you can afford to pay and your daily routine. Look for the following:
Safety: check if the child care is licensed with your state and country. Find out if it is well equipped to handle emergencies and if the staff is trained in first aid. If required, get feedbacks from parents of other children attending the child care. Staff: the members of the staff are responsible for the care and learning of your child when you are away. Make sure your child is in good hands through the day. Watch how the staff works with the children and check if they are kind and caring. Make sure there are enough staff members to give personalized attention to the kids. Learning programs: Find what kind of learning programs and activities the center is offering. Check if they are on lines of your child’s interests and are apt for your child’s age. You should also consider whether the programs fit with your family values and inculcate the right spirit in your child. Affordable: Check your finances to see whether it fits the fee charged by the child care. Determine whether the services at the child care is worthy of the fees that you pay. Convenient: Think about the location of the care center, if it is convenient for you to drop and pick up the child everyday and if you can reach the place easily in case of emergency. Peer: the age of children at the child care center is a crucial aspect that most parents tend to ignore. Make sure your child gels well with other children at the center and are happy at the end of the day.
Bottom line, the child day care center should be a pleasant and enriching experience for your child. It should be a place where your child can learn, play and be well taken care of.
In finding the right day care center, consider your child’s safety, how much you can afford to pay and your daily routine. Look for the following:
Safety: check if the child care is licensed with your state and country. Find out if it is well equipped to handle emergencies and if the staff is trained in first aid. If required, get feedbacks from parents of other children attending the child care. Staff: the members of the staff are responsible for the care and learning of your child when you are away. Make sure your child is in good hands through the day. Watch how the staff works with the children and check if they are kind and caring. Make sure there are enough staff members to give personalized attention to the kids. Learning programs: Find what kind of learning programs and activities the center is offering. Check if they are on lines of your child’s interests and are apt for your child’s age. You should also consider whether the programs fit with your family values and inculcate the right spirit in your child. Affordable: Check your finances to see whether it fits the fee charged by the child care. Determine whether the services at the child care is worthy of the fees that you pay. Convenient: Think about the location of the care center, if it is convenient for you to drop and pick up the child everyday and if you can reach the place easily in case of emergency. Peer: the age of children at the child care center is a crucial aspect that most parents tend to ignore. Make sure your child gels well with other children at the center and are happy at the end of the day.
Bottom line, the child day care center should be a pleasant and enriching experience for your child. It should be a place where your child can learn, play and be well taken care of.
Child Care And Mommy – Letting The Mom In You Care For The Kid…
Abhishek Agarwal asked:
The hunt for the basic childcare guidelines should start as soon as you get to know your due date. The reason behind this is that the early start provides us with ample time to go through all the available childcare options. Before settling with a particular childcare provider, many things have to be considered. In case you are planning to opt for an in-home caretaker, then you must be sure about the caregiver’s professional at least for the last five years. For this, you can take references from the past employers of the caretaker. This is important because it is not mandatory for caretakers to have a license. You need to ask for phone numbers and names. You should also not hesitate to talk to people who know the caretaker and have employed them before. You need to be very cautious while choosing the in-house caregiver as they are quite expensive and will also have to stay with your child even when you might be out. Thus, do not go for a caregiver who is not able to provide enough information about his/her past records.
The next option that is available is family childcare. These types of environment are more casual and are less expensive and also have only a limited number of children enrolled in it. This kind of childcare makes it mandatory for you drop and pick up your kid from a certain person’s place. In many cases, you will be charged more if you are going to pick your child later than usual. Remember that these caregivers are doing it as a nine-to-five business. However, it is important that you see to it that they are licensed as how they do their work differs from every individual caretaker. Thus, the references from other similar parents are of prime importance.
The next alternative is to leave your kid at a day care centre which has been licensed. But, the point to be noted here is that your child will receive less individual attention in here. Another negative impact of this is that your child may develop illness that might be caused due to interaction between so many children. However, the benefits of such types of day care centers are many. They do not have very strict rules about the timings and your child will be able to interact with more number of children and learn more in the process.
The best time to visit all prospective childcare centers is before you have your kid. You can make checklists and notes for future reference before you select the perfect place for your tiny tot. You can also make use of the many websites providing such information for this purpose. In case you plan to get back to your work after the maternity leave period, having a number of providers waiting will make your back to work schedule less stressful. The best thing to do in such cases is to opt for an on-call day care provider who can drop in to take care of your kid even during emergencies when you need someone to take care of your kid urgently. This would surely help you to get adjusted and get back to your schedule.
The hunt for the basic childcare guidelines should start as soon as you get to know your due date. The reason behind this is that the early start provides us with ample time to go through all the available childcare options. Before settling with a particular childcare provider, many things have to be considered. In case you are planning to opt for an in-home caretaker, then you must be sure about the caregiver’s professional at least for the last five years. For this, you can take references from the past employers of the caretaker. This is important because it is not mandatory for caretakers to have a license. You need to ask for phone numbers and names. You should also not hesitate to talk to people who know the caretaker and have employed them before. You need to be very cautious while choosing the in-house caregiver as they are quite expensive and will also have to stay with your child even when you might be out. Thus, do not go for a caregiver who is not able to provide enough information about his/her past records.
The next option that is available is family childcare. These types of environment are more casual and are less expensive and also have only a limited number of children enrolled in it. This kind of childcare makes it mandatory for you drop and pick up your kid from a certain person’s place. In many cases, you will be charged more if you are going to pick your child later than usual. Remember that these caregivers are doing it as a nine-to-five business. However, it is important that you see to it that they are licensed as how they do their work differs from every individual caretaker. Thus, the references from other similar parents are of prime importance.
The next alternative is to leave your kid at a day care centre which has been licensed. But, the point to be noted here is that your child will receive less individual attention in here. Another negative impact of this is that your child may develop illness that might be caused due to interaction between so many children. However, the benefits of such types of day care centers are many. They do not have very strict rules about the timings and your child will be able to interact with more number of children and learn more in the process.
The best time to visit all prospective childcare centers is before you have your kid. You can make checklists and notes for future reference before you select the perfect place for your tiny tot. You can also make use of the many websites providing such information for this purpose. In case you plan to get back to your work after the maternity leave period, having a number of providers waiting will make your back to work schedule less stressful. The best thing to do in such cases is to opt for an on-call day care provider who can drop in to take care of your kid even during emergencies when you need someone to take care of your kid urgently. This would surely help you to get adjusted and get back to your schedule.
Overcoming Staff Hiring Issues When Starting A Child Care
October 4, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Sean Tan asked:
Whether you are starting a daycare because you enjoy spending time with kids or because you want to get into a wonderfully profitable business opportunity, you will need to employ some people to help you out. Yes, it is true that the child business is extremely profitable, because with both parents working in most houses, it becomes extremely important to enroll their kids in a daycare.
Parents would select daycare centers that are close to their homes, or on the way to their offices, so that they can easily drop and pick up the kids when they are en route to their workplace. But, even for the chidcare operators, such as you, this can be a very exciting experience, you get to spend time with some angelic kids and get good money for that too! Of course, there are responsibilities of handling the kids and keeping them engaged, but I would say that is better than most of the jobs on the planet.
Let’s talk about the staffing issues now. When starter kits, you cannot avoid hiring a few people as your staff members. Selecting them is important, because you will be entrusting to their care some very impressible children. Look into the following points:
1. Actually speaking, whether a person has experience or not in the day care kids business doesn’t really matter that much, because all humans have an inherent tendency of looking after kids. But what is more important is the past history of the person. Do not hire anyone without performing some background checks on them. Ask for references, and double-check them.
2. Start with short term contracts with your staff members, because you need to look into their methods of working. But, it is better to sign a long term contract as soon as possible, as the kids in the home business get used to people soon and don’t like changes. Changing staff continually will make kids and their parents worried. It is advisable to make long period contracts with people whom you have probated for a while.
3. Clearly explain the way your childcare operates to all new recruits, at the very start. The rules and regulation of your daycare, their job timings, and modes of payment everything should be made clear to them. This prevents a lot of uneasiness later on.
It is advisable to advertise your starter kit only after you have your staff in place. That makes your business much more credible. When people have meetings with you about whether to use your daycare or not, they will definitely ask about your staff. In fact, that is an indicator of how important a good staff is to your child center.
Whether you are starting a daycare because you enjoy spending time with kids or because you want to get into a wonderfully profitable business opportunity, you will need to employ some people to help you out. Yes, it is true that the child business is extremely profitable, because with both parents working in most houses, it becomes extremely important to enroll their kids in a daycare.
Parents would select daycare centers that are close to their homes, or on the way to their offices, so that they can easily drop and pick up the kids when they are en route to their workplace. But, even for the chidcare operators, such as you, this can be a very exciting experience, you get to spend time with some angelic kids and get good money for that too! Of course, there are responsibilities of handling the kids and keeping them engaged, but I would say that is better than most of the jobs on the planet.
Let’s talk about the staffing issues now. When starter kits, you cannot avoid hiring a few people as your staff members. Selecting them is important, because you will be entrusting to their care some very impressible children. Look into the following points:
1. Actually speaking, whether a person has experience or not in the day care kids business doesn’t really matter that much, because all humans have an inherent tendency of looking after kids. But what is more important is the past history of the person. Do not hire anyone without performing some background checks on them. Ask for references, and double-check them.
2. Start with short term contracts with your staff members, because you need to look into their methods of working. But, it is better to sign a long term contract as soon as possible, as the kids in the home business get used to people soon and don’t like changes. Changing staff continually will make kids and their parents worried. It is advisable to make long period contracts with people whom you have probated for a while.
3. Clearly explain the way your childcare operates to all new recruits, at the very start. The rules and regulation of your daycare, their job timings, and modes of payment everything should be made clear to them. This prevents a lot of uneasiness later on.
It is advisable to advertise your starter kit only after you have your staff in place. That makes your business much more credible. When people have meetings with you about whether to use your daycare or not, they will definitely ask about your staff. In fact, that is an indicator of how important a good staff is to your child center.
Your Kids Can Have Fun Landscaping
September 20, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Joshua Santor asked:
The patio, the garden and the front yard are usually landscaped to make the house look better and inviting to visitors. Landscaping, aside from being a decoration, can also be an alternative recreational activity for kids.
Here are some suggestions to make landscaping a form of recreational activity for children:
1. Landscaping is a family activity. It may be used to spend time with the family and a way to bond together. The time may be used to motivate kids to learn gardening. Kids will be very productive as they help in removing weeds and watering the plants.
2. An area may also be allotted in the garden as the kids’ play place. They can decorate the place and put their toys in the playground. The playground can add design to the landscaped garden and make the place welcoming to the kids.
3. Landscaping a garden may be a way to communicate with kids the importance of taking care of plants. While gardening, a parent can show how to take care of living things like plants and butterflies. This is one way to educate them and prepare them in becoming responsible individuals.
4. The children may make use of the landscaped garden as their play area. This will benefit parents since they can spend time in the garden and watch their children at the same time. This is an effective way to spend quality time with children rather than doing the gardening by yourself.
5. Parents can also motivate their children to start a garden of their own. They should be encouraged to plant in flowerbeds and small pots. This will also help parents in organizing the garden while the children are enjoying their time.
6. Landscaping may also be a way to discover any skills the children have with plants and their passion for nature. Kids may find out that enjoy the spending time in the garden and may make landscaping their hobby. Landscaping as a hobby for children will prepare them for exploring their talents, passion and love of nature.
Landscaping is not limited to older people. It is also for kids and young teens. Parents should be creative in introducing this new alternative way of spending time and having fun at the same time. Kids will enjoy this new activity as they will be able to discover new things.
The patio, the garden and the front yard are usually landscaped to make the house look better and inviting to visitors. Landscaping, aside from being a decoration, can also be an alternative recreational activity for kids.
Here are some suggestions to make landscaping a form of recreational activity for children:
1. Landscaping is a family activity. It may be used to spend time with the family and a way to bond together. The time may be used to motivate kids to learn gardening. Kids will be very productive as they help in removing weeds and watering the plants.
2. An area may also be allotted in the garden as the kids’ play place. They can decorate the place and put their toys in the playground. The playground can add design to the landscaped garden and make the place welcoming to the kids.
3. Landscaping a garden may be a way to communicate with kids the importance of taking care of plants. While gardening, a parent can show how to take care of living things like plants and butterflies. This is one way to educate them and prepare them in becoming responsible individuals.
4. The children may make use of the landscaped garden as their play area. This will benefit parents since they can spend time in the garden and watch their children at the same time. This is an effective way to spend quality time with children rather than doing the gardening by yourself.
5. Parents can also motivate their children to start a garden of their own. They should be encouraged to plant in flowerbeds and small pots. This will also help parents in organizing the garden while the children are enjoying their time.
6. Landscaping may also be a way to discover any skills the children have with plants and their passion for nature. Kids may find out that enjoy the spending time in the garden and may make landscaping their hobby. Landscaping as a hobby for children will prepare them for exploring their talents, passion and love of nature.
Landscaping is not limited to older people. It is also for kids and young teens. Parents should be creative in introducing this new alternative way of spending time and having fun at the same time. Kids will enjoy this new activity as they will be able to discover new things.
Baby Care Games
August 22, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
guniwan jone asked:
Something is up with kids these days. Babies like exploring, playing and gaming a lot. Discussion of games that fit babies as they grow has taken centre stage in most homes. Parents are working hard to get give the required attention to their babies and baby care games is actually the answer.
Toys are fun for some kids, but games beat them with the exciting nature of interaction that it has. Games give babies a chance to think and play. Discussions have been carried from work places to play centers, about effects of games to babies. Games are a constructive learning process. Well, let the kids play and have fun.
But which games are safe for kids to play? With hundreds and thousands of baby games coming into the market these days, parents must be aware of the content that their kids watch. Share a game that you are sure is good for a baby.
It can be so embarrassing to organize a birthday for your baby only to discover that all shows you bought are kaput. Babies are honest people. Yes, the baby is not enthusiastic with the game because it’s not nice.
A talking baby will tell you off. Take a picture of a toddler who shows funny impressions when they **** a game. That pout mouth is an expression that she wants another game.
How many times have you told a kid to build a Snow Man game and she mumbles? Or telling her to build a house, a game, and they look at you with bad eyes? One baby might like Snow Man much to the chagrin of a parent who thought the game is scary to a baby.
The game of a house might not be visible to the baby. May be she spends most of the time indoors and would like something different. She wants to try the Snow Man because the game has an outdoor furnishing setting. As it is baby games is something a parent should invest in without semblance of a flaw. It is like breakfast and it is marked in the pay slip. When babies are in the ring of friend and family, they feel good. And this love and excitement is shared by all.
It is important to prepare your baby for school by bringing to interactive games home. These improve the thinking ability of the baby and increases self esteem. There are so many places where you can find baby games. Online portals specializing in games are the best in this case. They have researched around the games, done reviews, and are open for free consultations.
If you don’t like buying, activity centers beam with games that every kid would love. Add value to the life of your baby by taking them to these centers once in a while. These centers offer impressive slice of baby shower games that make your kid happy. Memories are made of these play games and it is nice your kid will enjoy.
Something is up with kids these days. Babies like exploring, playing and gaming a lot. Discussion of games that fit babies as they grow has taken centre stage in most homes. Parents are working hard to get give the required attention to their babies and baby care games is actually the answer.
Toys are fun for some kids, but games beat them with the exciting nature of interaction that it has. Games give babies a chance to think and play. Discussions have been carried from work places to play centers, about effects of games to babies. Games are a constructive learning process. Well, let the kids play and have fun.
But which games are safe for kids to play? With hundreds and thousands of baby games coming into the market these days, parents must be aware of the content that their kids watch. Share a game that you are sure is good for a baby.
It can be so embarrassing to organize a birthday for your baby only to discover that all shows you bought are kaput. Babies are honest people. Yes, the baby is not enthusiastic with the game because it’s not nice.
A talking baby will tell you off. Take a picture of a toddler who shows funny impressions when they **** a game. That pout mouth is an expression that she wants another game.
How many times have you told a kid to build a Snow Man game and she mumbles? Or telling her to build a house, a game, and they look at you with bad eyes? One baby might like Snow Man much to the chagrin of a parent who thought the game is scary to a baby.
The game of a house might not be visible to the baby. May be she spends most of the time indoors and would like something different. She wants to try the Snow Man because the game has an outdoor furnishing setting. As it is baby games is something a parent should invest in without semblance of a flaw. It is like breakfast and it is marked in the pay slip. When babies are in the ring of friend and family, they feel good. And this love and excitement is shared by all.
It is important to prepare your baby for school by bringing to interactive games home. These improve the thinking ability of the baby and increases self esteem. There are so many places where you can find baby games. Online portals specializing in games are the best in this case. They have researched around the games, done reviews, and are open for free consultations.
If you don’t like buying, activity centers beam with games that every kid would love. Add value to the life of your baby by taking them to these centers once in a while. These centers offer impressive slice of baby shower games that make your kid happy. Memories are made of these play games and it is nice your kid will enjoy.
Why Kids Tell Lies and What to Do About it
August 1, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
James Lehman asked:
Catching your child in a lie is maddening, painful and upsetting. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? Behavioral therapist James Lehman explains why kids tell lies and suggests a better way for parents to deal with it.
Q: When your child lies to you, it hurts. As parents, it makes us angry and we take it personally. We feel like we can never trust our child again. Why does lying cause such anger, pain and worry for parents?
James: Parents are understandably very afraid of their children getting hurt and getting into trouble, but they have very little protection against these things as they send their kids out into the world. Kids learn from other kids and from external media, and this makes parents feel unsafe because they can’t control the information and ideas that their children are exposed to.
Your kid’s honesty becomes the connector between what’s happening to him on the outside world and what happens at home. You need him to tell you honestly what happened today, so that you can honestly decide if that’s best for him. You need him to tell you what he’s doing so you can decide if that’s going to help him meet his responsibilities now and in the future. When parents don’t get the right information, they’re afraid they’ll make the wrong choices for their kids.
When your kid lies, you start to see him as “sneaky,” especially if he continues to lie to you. You feel that he’s going behind your back, that he’s undermining you. You begin to think that your kids are “bad”.” Because, certainly, if lying is bad, liars are bad. It’s just that simple.
Parents need to make their kids responsible for lying. But the mistake parents make is they start to blame the kid for lying. It’s considered immoral to lie. But when you look at your kid like he’s a sneak and an operator who’s undermining your authority, it’s a slippery slope that starts with “You lie” and ends up at “You’re a bad person.” I think that perception of your kid promotes more lying. If your child thinks you think he’s “bad,” he’s going to hide the truth from you even more, because he doesn’t want be bad. Even though they are lying, kids don’t want to disappoint their parents.
Q: Let’s look at it from the child’s perspective. What’s going in on a child’s mind when they lie to their parents?
James: Kids know lying is forbidden. But they don’t see it as hurtful. Not the way that parents see it as hurtful. So a kid will say, “I know it’s wrong that I ate a sugar snack when I’m not supposed to. But who does it hurt?” “I know it’s wrong that I traded my dried fruit for a Twinkie. But it doesn’t really hurt anybody. I can handle it. What’s the big deal?” That’s what the kid sees.
When they don’t see it as hurtful, there are two different value systems operating: the family’s value system that says this is forbidden and the kid’s value system that says if it’s not hurting anybody, what do you care? The kid rationalizes his actions and justifies his behavior with the idea that it doesn’t hurt anybody. The outcome is a dishonest situation. A lie.
When you get to adolescence, of course, the stakes get much higher. But the thinking remains the same. Kids smoke pot and drink and say, “Well it doesn’t hurt anybody. My friends smoke pot and it doesn’t hurt them. I know drinking’s wrong, but my parents drink and it doesn’t hurt them. I can handle it. I’m older than my parents think I am.” They know it’s forbidden. They either don’t see it as hurtful, or they rationalize the hurt away.
Q: So what’s the best way for parents to deal with lying, so that they don’t feel hurt and resentful about it and so that the child learns not to lie?
James: The first thing you have to do is be careful of is giving lies too much power. If you have a kid who’s mad at you or feels aggravated and powerless, and if he feels he can gain power over you by telling you a lie, he’ll use dishonesty to get that power. He’ll withhold information and lie by omission when you’re trying to get the truth. He’ll give you little pieces of information, and that makes him feel powerful. It’s a trap for parents. Honesty is important, but if you communicate that too strongly to your children, they will use that to have power over you. You have to keep these things a certain size so that they’re not used against you.
The second thing to remember is that you have to understand the power of the culture that kids go into. It’s a very powerful culture that exerts a lot of pressure to “fit in.” They may feel guilty if they lie to their parents. But, again, they’re thinking, “This isn’t that hurtful, and my parents just don’t understand.” Of course, parents do understand. They’re frightened, and they should be.
So I think that parents have to assume that kids are going to tell them lies, because they’re immature and they don’t understand how hurtful these things are. They’re also drawn towards excitement, and their parents aren’t. It’s not like the good kids aren’t drawn to excitement and risk, and the bad kids are. It’s not that the good kids don’t lie and the bad kids do lie. They’re all drawn to excitement, and they’ll all have a tendency to distort the truth because they’re kids.
I think parents have to deal with lying the way a cop deals with speeding. If you’re traveling too fast, he issues you a ticket. He’s not interested in a lot of explanations from you. He’s just going to give you a consequence. Look at it the same way with your child. He didn’t tell the truth, whether the truth was distorted, omitted or withheld. There should simply be consequences for that. The first time you lie, you go to bed an hour early. The second time, you lose your phone. It should be something that the kid feels. You lose your phone for twenty four hours. You lose your phone for two days. You lose computer time or TV time.
The consequences have to make the child uncomfortable or they don’t change anything. The idea is that the next time he’s faced with telling you the truth or lying, he’ll recall how uncomfortable he was when he did the consequence for lying, and he’ll tell you the truth instead.
The consequence should be about the lying. If there’s a separate consequence for the incident, that should come down separately. If you come home later than your curfew and you tell me the truth, you may still lose going out Friday night, but you won’t lose your phone. If you lie to me, you lose both.
Parents should not focus on the morality of it. Just be clear. Lying is wrong, it’s hurtful and, in our home, we tell the truth. But don’t make it a moral issue. Make it a technical issue. You broke the law. You broke the rules. These are your consequences.
When a cop writes me a ticket, he doesn’t follow me home or argue with me. He hands me my ticket and he drives away. Approach the consequences for lying the same way. Don’t argue about it or get into a big discussion. Discuss it in a structured way: “What were you trying to accomplish by doing that?” Not “Why did you lie? You know how much lying hurts me.” Just ask what he was trying to accomplish, then point out that lying is not the way to solve his problem. Compliance is the way to solve it. Talk about it after things have cooled down, not in the heat of the moment. Explain what will happen if he lies again. “If you lie to me about the dance, you’re not going to the next dance and I’m taking your phone for twenty four hours.” Just keep it really simple.
Copyright 2007. EmpoweringParents.com
Catching your child in a lie is maddening, painful and upsetting. What else does he lie about? How can I trust him? Behavioral therapist James Lehman explains why kids tell lies and suggests a better way for parents to deal with it.
Q: When your child lies to you, it hurts. As parents, it makes us angry and we take it personally. We feel like we can never trust our child again. Why does lying cause such anger, pain and worry for parents?
James: Parents are understandably very afraid of their children getting hurt and getting into trouble, but they have very little protection against these things as they send their kids out into the world. Kids learn from other kids and from external media, and this makes parents feel unsafe because they can’t control the information and ideas that their children are exposed to.
Your kid’s honesty becomes the connector between what’s happening to him on the outside world and what happens at home. You need him to tell you honestly what happened today, so that you can honestly decide if that’s best for him. You need him to tell you what he’s doing so you can decide if that’s going to help him meet his responsibilities now and in the future. When parents don’t get the right information, they’re afraid they’ll make the wrong choices for their kids.
When your kid lies, you start to see him as “sneaky,” especially if he continues to lie to you. You feel that he’s going behind your back, that he’s undermining you. You begin to think that your kids are “bad”.” Because, certainly, if lying is bad, liars are bad. It’s just that simple.
Parents need to make their kids responsible for lying. But the mistake parents make is they start to blame the kid for lying. It’s considered immoral to lie. But when you look at your kid like he’s a sneak and an operator who’s undermining your authority, it’s a slippery slope that starts with “You lie” and ends up at “You’re a bad person.” I think that perception of your kid promotes more lying. If your child thinks you think he’s “bad,” he’s going to hide the truth from you even more, because he doesn’t want be bad. Even though they are lying, kids don’t want to disappoint their parents.
Q: Let’s look at it from the child’s perspective. What’s going in on a child’s mind when they lie to their parents?
James: Kids know lying is forbidden. But they don’t see it as hurtful. Not the way that parents see it as hurtful. So a kid will say, “I know it’s wrong that I ate a sugar snack when I’m not supposed to. But who does it hurt?” “I know it’s wrong that I traded my dried fruit for a Twinkie. But it doesn’t really hurt anybody. I can handle it. What’s the big deal?” That’s what the kid sees.
When they don’t see it as hurtful, there are two different value systems operating: the family’s value system that says this is forbidden and the kid’s value system that says if it’s not hurting anybody, what do you care? The kid rationalizes his actions and justifies his behavior with the idea that it doesn’t hurt anybody. The outcome is a dishonest situation. A lie.
When you get to adolescence, of course, the stakes get much higher. But the thinking remains the same. Kids smoke pot and drink and say, “Well it doesn’t hurt anybody. My friends smoke pot and it doesn’t hurt them. I know drinking’s wrong, but my parents drink and it doesn’t hurt them. I can handle it. I’m older than my parents think I am.” They know it’s forbidden. They either don’t see it as hurtful, or they rationalize the hurt away.
Q: So what’s the best way for parents to deal with lying, so that they don’t feel hurt and resentful about it and so that the child learns not to lie?
James: The first thing you have to do is be careful of is giving lies too much power. If you have a kid who’s mad at you or feels aggravated and powerless, and if he feels he can gain power over you by telling you a lie, he’ll use dishonesty to get that power. He’ll withhold information and lie by omission when you’re trying to get the truth. He’ll give you little pieces of information, and that makes him feel powerful. It’s a trap for parents. Honesty is important, but if you communicate that too strongly to your children, they will use that to have power over you. You have to keep these things a certain size so that they’re not used against you.
The second thing to remember is that you have to understand the power of the culture that kids go into. It’s a very powerful culture that exerts a lot of pressure to “fit in.” They may feel guilty if they lie to their parents. But, again, they’re thinking, “This isn’t that hurtful, and my parents just don’t understand.” Of course, parents do understand. They’re frightened, and they should be.
So I think that parents have to assume that kids are going to tell them lies, because they’re immature and they don’t understand how hurtful these things are. They’re also drawn towards excitement, and their parents aren’t. It’s not like the good kids aren’t drawn to excitement and risk, and the bad kids are. It’s not that the good kids don’t lie and the bad kids do lie. They’re all drawn to excitement, and they’ll all have a tendency to distort the truth because they’re kids.
I think parents have to deal with lying the way a cop deals with speeding. If you’re traveling too fast, he issues you a ticket. He’s not interested in a lot of explanations from you. He’s just going to give you a consequence. Look at it the same way with your child. He didn’t tell the truth, whether the truth was distorted, omitted or withheld. There should simply be consequences for that. The first time you lie, you go to bed an hour early. The second time, you lose your phone. It should be something that the kid feels. You lose your phone for twenty four hours. You lose your phone for two days. You lose computer time or TV time.
The consequences have to make the child uncomfortable or they don’t change anything. The idea is that the next time he’s faced with telling you the truth or lying, he’ll recall how uncomfortable he was when he did the consequence for lying, and he’ll tell you the truth instead.
The consequence should be about the lying. If there’s a separate consequence for the incident, that should come down separately. If you come home later than your curfew and you tell me the truth, you may still lose going out Friday night, but you won’t lose your phone. If you lie to me, you lose both.
Parents should not focus on the morality of it. Just be clear. Lying is wrong, it’s hurtful and, in our home, we tell the truth. But don’t make it a moral issue. Make it a technical issue. You broke the law. You broke the rules. These are your consequences.
When a cop writes me a ticket, he doesn’t follow me home or argue with me. He hands me my ticket and he drives away. Approach the consequences for lying the same way. Don’t argue about it or get into a big discussion. Discuss it in a structured way: “What were you trying to accomplish by doing that?” Not “Why did you lie? You know how much lying hurts me.” Just ask what he was trying to accomplish, then point out that lying is not the way to solve his problem. Compliance is the way to solve it. Talk about it after things have cooled down, not in the heat of the moment. Explain what will happen if he lies again. “If you lie to me about the dance, you’re not going to the next dance and I’m taking your phone for twenty four hours.” Just keep it really simple.
Copyright 2007. EmpoweringParents.com
The Growing Popularity of Atvs for Kids
May 24, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Ray Martin asked:
The growing popularity of ATVs for kids
Many years ago, when ATVs had only 3 wheels instead of 4, many parents were quite reluctant to let their kids ride on them. But now with 4 wheels and the ever-growing popularity of ATVs, especially among the kids and youths, the ATV manufacturers and dealers have also begun to cater to the demand of ATVs for kids. The ATV market is not just catering to the needs of adult ATV riders anymore, but the needs of the younger ATV riders too. Key in the words “ATV for kids” on the search engines on the internet and you will see lots of websites with news, updates, reviews and ATV models for kids. ATVs these days are no longer dominated by the big boys – they now have to share their ATV passion with the kids too!
If you are an ardent fan of ATV riding, you would know that due to safety reasons, it is not a good idea to let your kids ride on an adult ATV, let alone allow them to sit on it with you while you are riding on it. Therefore, if your kids also want to join in the fun of ATV riding with you, you would be doing them a great favor if you got them their own ATVs instead. Looking for a kids ATV is an easier mission these days. All you need to do is to surf the net and check out the websites designated for kids ATVs and voila! – you would be able to find one that meets your child’s needs. One of such websites that you can visit is www.kidatv.com
Getting your kid his or her very own ATV also teaches them to be responsible, as the first lesson that they will learn is that an ATV is not a toy but a machine. They will have to learn how to handle the machine properly so that they don’t get hurt while riding on one. Another lesson that your kids will learn about ATV is how to care for and maintain it so that the machine will last longer. In fact, we believe that kids who love ATV riding take great pride in their own machines and will always make sure that their machines are properly cared for. They will even wash, scrub and polish their ATVs without you having to tell them to!
ATV riding for kids is also a great way for them to get out in the sun and play. Kids today are not spending enough time outside and are always cooped up at home watching television, playing video games or surfing the internet. It’s not that any of these activities are bad for them, but it would be if they spend too much time inside of their home and not getting out of the house for some fresh air. Did you know that ATV riding is also a great way for your kids to burn the calories in their bodies, especially if they are big eaters? Going out and riding on their ATVs will also give the kids an opportunity to appreciate Mother Nature too.
Besides, with their own ATVs, you can have a peace of mind knowing that your kids will never try to sneak out and ride on an adult ATV. Moreover, you can also plan for an ATV riding vacation (maybe once or twice a year) with the whole family and it would be a great time for family bonding – especially in today’s world where families are falling apart.
Buying ATVs for kids these days are comparatively affordable – unlike the prices of kids ATVs in the earlier days of the ATV market. Now you can also get a kids ATV for less than $1,500. Wouldn’t you agree that this is a small price to pay for the benefits that you will get out of ATV riding for the kids?
The growing popularity of ATVs for kids
Many years ago, when ATVs had only 3 wheels instead of 4, many parents were quite reluctant to let their kids ride on them. But now with 4 wheels and the ever-growing popularity of ATVs, especially among the kids and youths, the ATV manufacturers and dealers have also begun to cater to the demand of ATVs for kids. The ATV market is not just catering to the needs of adult ATV riders anymore, but the needs of the younger ATV riders too. Key in the words “ATV for kids” on the search engines on the internet and you will see lots of websites with news, updates, reviews and ATV models for kids. ATVs these days are no longer dominated by the big boys – they now have to share their ATV passion with the kids too!
If you are an ardent fan of ATV riding, you would know that due to safety reasons, it is not a good idea to let your kids ride on an adult ATV, let alone allow them to sit on it with you while you are riding on it. Therefore, if your kids also want to join in the fun of ATV riding with you, you would be doing them a great favor if you got them their own ATVs instead. Looking for a kids ATV is an easier mission these days. All you need to do is to surf the net and check out the websites designated for kids ATVs and voila! – you would be able to find one that meets your child’s needs. One of such websites that you can visit is www.kidatv.com
Getting your kid his or her very own ATV also teaches them to be responsible, as the first lesson that they will learn is that an ATV is not a toy but a machine. They will have to learn how to handle the machine properly so that they don’t get hurt while riding on one. Another lesson that your kids will learn about ATV is how to care for and maintain it so that the machine will last longer. In fact, we believe that kids who love ATV riding take great pride in their own machines and will always make sure that their machines are properly cared for. They will even wash, scrub and polish their ATVs without you having to tell them to!
ATV riding for kids is also a great way for them to get out in the sun and play. Kids today are not spending enough time outside and are always cooped up at home watching television, playing video games or surfing the internet. It’s not that any of these activities are bad for them, but it would be if they spend too much time inside of their home and not getting out of the house for some fresh air. Did you know that ATV riding is also a great way for your kids to burn the calories in their bodies, especially if they are big eaters? Going out and riding on their ATVs will also give the kids an opportunity to appreciate Mother Nature too.
Besides, with their own ATVs, you can have a peace of mind knowing that your kids will never try to sneak out and ride on an adult ATV. Moreover, you can also plan for an ATV riding vacation (maybe once or twice a year) with the whole family and it would be a great time for family bonding – especially in today’s world where families are falling apart.
Buying ATVs for kids these days are comparatively affordable – unlike the prices of kids ATVs in the earlier days of the ATV market. Now you can also get a kids ATV for less than $1,500. Wouldn’t you agree that this is a small price to pay for the benefits that you will get out of ATV riding for the kids?
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